i try to be honest
try to be kind
and honestly leave
when i know that it's time
i know that it's time
~the weepies ("hideaway")
I don't think I do well with self-inflicted transitions. I could blame it on my childhood (what can't you blame on your childhood?), but I think it's hard for everyone to step out into a change that is not required.
Right now I'm wading into something new. The final details are slowly coming into reality like sea glass bobbing in on the last night tide.
I miss the ocean, can you tell?
One vacation in Heng Chun (south Taiwanese city) we were on one of our almost daily beach excursions, complete with swan floatie and sunscreen (I hope. Oh I hope). I fought past the surf and dog paddled, safe within my inner tube. After I had drifted and gotten tired I turned around and started kicking my way to the beach.
Halfway there the waves picked up and I, already recklessly holding the tube from the outside, slipped
into green saltiness.
I held my breath and opened my eyes, looking up at the sun wafting through increasingly darker shades of green-gray. Saw the black circle of my inner tube.
The next half second I was up, up--spluttering, eyes itching, clawing at the tube. Dad and some other people were nearby and helped me get back to the beach, where I recovered in the shade and rubbed my stinging eyes. I didn't go back in for a whole half hour.
I think I'm still rubbing the salt out of my eyes. Feeling rough sand, a million colors, reassuringly under my feet but still battling the suck of the waves--pulling the sand from under me even as I walk the last few feet to sun-baked sand.
I just hope that I'll take sufficient courage to start what I've already begun and turn away from what I have already left.